Just the naughtiness of Astral Cinema is so tempting! (7th Dec 1997)

Just the naughtiness of Astral Cinema is so tempting! I now hereby choose the alternative life!! I reject ---- Sorting Office, I choose the life, vitality, of Astral, Sunset Strip. That is all someone of my species can do. I'd rather be proud to be an autistic person, then permanently ashamed to be a pathetically inadequate social person. Better to reign in hell, than serve in heaven. I came out and think I'm proud, I don't deserve to be sneered at all the time, so I will be proud. Stand proud in Astral with my cock out. Make the game my real life! 

Helmut Newton! Parade! Yellow shop. Beardsley, Venus masturbating her unicorns every morning!

Going to strip clubs is all I want to do (10th November 1997)

Going to strip clubs is all I want to do. Sexual watching. Like Salvador Dali. Fear and shame. Where is my Gala? Every time you said talk to people, you panicked me again, and made me feel tense. 

How can I make something successful of my life, rich, interest in joining an accountancy course. "I hope you do something". I like the Soho Cinema & Astral films, and Boulevard & Sunset Strip: it is my shameful secret. It is Egon Schiele Monday night feeling. I love stripping and getting my cock out in public. It is a strong, powerful thing. 

Get myself into situations where I can be with real people again, be successful, make money: the poison of my autistic tendencies needs to be purged. It is now the anniversary of our last meeting, exactly a year ago today. "See you later" were your last words to me. I know about the sleazy side of Soho life. I am the cynical observer. Like Wedekind, Toulouse-Lautrec, Egon Schiele, Van Gogh, Dali: I like the sleazy side.