You tried to stop me being a vampire and I am grateful (31st May 1997)

You tried to stop me being a vampire, and I am grateful, but it's no good, it's all I can be, but before I was tormented and ashamed by it, now I feel relaxed and content about it. I don't feel particularly good about myself at times, but I know I never try to hurt another human being, I know I never try to diminish another human being, and as long as I never have anything to reproach myself for, I can feel contentment and acceptance of myself. I have no bitterness for them. If you cannot think positive thoughts, it's best not to think them at all. I prefer to fill my mind with beautiful, intelligent, kind people who I admire and respect and look up to. The ugly people I just politely remove from my memory banks. I only want the admirable people in my memory banks. I feel sorry for the others, because they are only hurting themselves. Hatred does more harm to the possessor, etc. It will be on their conscience not mine. They are storing up an awful lot of trouble for themselves. 

I think Sarah was ignoring the reality of my condition.

I've realised now quite happily that a vampire is all I can be (26th May 1997)

I've realised now quite happily that a vampire is all I can be, the question is whether you can bear it or find it unbearable. All my life it was on the edge of being unbearable, then after black bob for 9 months it became unbearable, and my life stopped. Sarah made it bearable again, and downright enjoyable. I enjoy being a vampire now, I like the freedom of it. I had a crisis of faith and Sarah was my priest who helped me through it. Sarah was my priest, she talked it over with me for the few months of the therapy, and helped me through. I've gone back to my faith, with great joy and happiness now. 

I'm a vampire, it's no good trying to make me a normal social person. I can only be what I am. I will never find happiness trying to be something I'm not.