It was a shame the Carnival Strip club finished before I perfected my wanking technique (11th August 1997)

It was a shame the Carnival Strip club finished before I perfected my wanking technique. It was the perfect place for it. Pornography and writing, that has been my year. This would be my whole life, if I had the chance. The blonde Sharon in white-ribbed mini-dress.

Carnival Strip Club was just getting good (26th April 1997)

Carnival Strip Club was just getting good. Now it’s gone. Boulevard always has very big voluptuous girls but so American and open. Sunset Strip is so drab and ordinary, though there have been special moments. Astral Cinema is OK (it it remains) now and again. But I think I’m clean till Winter now. 

Carmen in a month’s time. It’s sexy to take risks. 

It feels so sexy to go into a whore’s room and strip absolutely nude and be rampant in there, waiting for her to come in. That’s the good part, when you give her the money and she tells you to strip while she goes out for a moment. If the Astral films had been better Friday I might very nearly have been tempted. To be in that warm room stark naked, waiting for her to come back in. 

I've got an intense resentment of people, and I want them to prove me right. That's a relief. Lets me off the hook. They can say these things but I'm never going to submit to that. They're never going to take away what's special about me. I have to put up with so much nastiness in my life, but I will rise above, and remain beautiful, like F.G.Lorca. People are always trying to look you in the eye, demanding something of you, and that's very tiring.

I feel now I want Astral and the Carnival club again; isn’t that perverse?! (21st March 1997)

I feel now I want Astral and the Carnival club again; isn’t that perverse?! I want to sit in Astral in shorts, with big breast girl in white top and purple thong on screen. I want to sit in Carnival with black-haired Amazonian with green-tattooed arse on stage. I want to go back up Brewer Street stairway to those warm lamplit rooms. Monday or Thursday. If Monday is dark, go Monday as well. Last week of darkness.

"Walking with a yellow star on my coat, some woman spat at me" (6th March 1997)

"Walking with a yellow star on my coat, some woman spat at me....You have to look straight through people like that, without seeing them, or else how could you bear it.....They came to watch us at the station; they expected wailing and crying. We had a dignity which made my heart overflow with respect." So I did it. Went in model's room in Dean Street. Big breasts blonde in Carnival again. Plus big new long black-haired girl, with green shockwave tattoo round bottom. Big voluptuous bottom, in black ski-shorts over white knickers and bra. Great dancer, sensational big girl, big hips, big bottom. Her bottom dancing in front of me. I had a permanent erection in Astral but you don't really see anything. I go to prostitutes. Whatever turns you on. Prostitutes turn me on. That's what I want. I've done it now. I can do it whenever I want now. I am Wedekind. Toulouse Lautrec. Van Gogh.

I don’t want a real woman (6th Feb 1997)

I don’t want a real woman, that would steal my time and freedom; my peace and quiet, I only want to go to prostitutes when I feel like it. I really don’t want a girlfriend, you know that, I couldn’t bear that. I do want a naked girl to myself every few weeks just to relieve the sexual pressure, I do know that. So that’s the problem solved then. Real girls I definitely don’t want. Prostitutes I do. That is my ideal perfect solution. Find where the models work. That is my desire. I don’t need to be ashamed and repressed like Hugh Grant. Be like Sickert, Wedekind, Toulouse-Lautrec. Sitting in the front row of Carnival Strip Monday and feeling so ruthless and in control decided it, told me I could do it. I was surprised to realise at last I could do it, I was ready for it. It is necessary for the next stage of my development.

This time tomorrow I’ll be sitting in the Carnival club (12th Jan 1997)

This time tomorrow I’ll be sitting in the Carnival club, having just had three pints in the Chandos, seeing the Dixian, Fu Manchu, Mata Hari girls, after Beyond the Clouds at Lumiere. The simple pleasures. Like this till July. This is the best time of my life, just for this contentment. I’m able to mix a little bit of everything now, to keep the mixture strong. I think I’ve found the right mixture.

I can go to Sunset, Astral, Soho Cinema, Boulevard (21st Nov 1997)

I can go to Sunset, Astral, Soho Cinema, Boulevard: because I'm young, free, and single. I'm not cheating on anyone. I'm attracted to that side of life: the sleazy side. I find inspiration in its vitality, and colours and music. Pure sensation. Don't have to talk. I love the naked breasts of the girls at Carnival, I love the naked breasts of the girls at the Boulevard. That's it. I love it. It is intoxicating, that sex-dancing world. Liberate myself from such restraints, and learn to love the hour of the flesh.

It was a shame the Carnival Strip club finished before I perfected my wanking technique (11th August 1997, Vienna)

It was a shame the Carnival Strip club finished before I perfected my wanking technique. It was the perfect place for it. Pornography and writing, that has been my year. This would be my whole life, if I had the chance. The blonde Sharon in white-ribbed minidress.