Try going to red boudoirs tomorrow (6th October 1997)

Try going to red boudoirs tomorrow: that's the plan. Because I love being naked in the boudoir with the prostitute. Be gleeful, mischievous, relaxed and powerful about it. Because, like Toulouse-Lautrec, I prefer going with prostitutes. I totally, openly prefer going with prostitutes, rather than -----, for example. I would happily choose prostitutes every time. Because I love being naked in their boudoirs. Get up tomorrow, knowing from the first second this is my prostitutes day. The world is my oyster tomorrow. Powerful. Volcano. I am the volcano. Get out of my way. I am Geoffrey Firmin, the Consul. I am Toulouse-Lautrec. 

I love painting myself naked, like Egon Schiele. I love writing myself naked, and erect, in my pinks, and reds, and purples. 

Stop pontificating around in the middle. Go all out with prostitutes, 1890s, Moulin Rouge, Toulouse-Lautrec, Egon Schiele, go all out with work, in blue overalls. Discover my power now, discover my volcano. 

In June I felt so embarrassed leaving Astral Cinema, it was written on my face, I was red & ashamed, and everybody could see it. But the last two times I've been strong and powerful. Now be strong and powerful with the prostitutes, 1890s, Moulin Rouge, Toulouse-Lautrec, EGON SCHIELE. It is a whole new world I am stepping into. The black & purple Emperor butterfly is about to leave the chrysalis. 

Egon Schiele is the most honest, now you be honest. Toulouse-Lautrec, Moulin Rouge, 1890s. Then I could have Louise. I went into the prostitutes world of the 1890s to discover the power to enable me to have Louise. I needed sexual power to enable me to cope with the emotions necessary to cope with my need for Louise. This is my Tannhauser, in black & purple, in 1890s Paris. Find out about Tosca. 

Back to Grosz again. Enjoy life. Enjoy sex with prostitutes.  But mostly, watch myself like Egon Schiele.

 

3rd October 1997

1st October 1997

 

 

I feel like Aphrodite & Sphynx again (7th Sept 1997 Vienna)

I feel like Aphrodite & Sphynx again. "It is false spirituality to neglect things carnal. Real spirituality comes from regeneration of the flesh." The Aphrodite films are Benny Hill films, the Sphynx girls are Benny Hill girls. That huge-breasted blonde in black see-through dress is a Benny Hill girl. I want to check that other striptease place. Think about how good Caligula became towards the end. Thursday 18th would be good for Sphynx, tomorrow for Aphrodite.
The volcano: to let my spirit burst free in my writing; to let my spirit burst free in a relationship with someone else.
A volcano because I am holding it back. No, because it is blocked, it has no way out.
It will be good to get drunk again in the Savoy, though, won't it, staggering down into the toilets to get my penis out again in increasing anticipation of Sphynx I am about to get to, or Aphrodite. I want to go see Woody Allen films in the Ringstrasse, come back to the cafe with no intention of staying out, but then a couple of pints later the rising excitement makes me go to Sphynx. Tomorrow?

Angkor is like my brain: vast and lost under the jungle (2nd Sept 1997 Vienna)

Angkor is like my brain: vast and lost under the jungle. But can the jungles be cut back? It's been lost under the jungles for -- years. It is a fascinating quest to uncover it and explore it. I am a sort of archaeologist into my own brain. A Grafologist. A 1930s Indiana Jones of the mind.
I'll do it for Diana! What better memorial could there be to her.

I don't care about anything (29th August 1997 Vienna)

I don't care about anything. I just want to go on writing my letters to Seraphina. I'll just float along in the world, and waste my life away. I will remain in the ring of fire, where Susan Layton put me. I would rather sting myself than cross the flames.